The wonderful marauders can't stop every thing
by Hecate4
Summary: The marauders and Lily find that for once they cannot prevent some thing bad from happening, this brings sorrow. Mild language. Please r
1. The Shock

A/N Its short but a chapter follows. Please read and review!  
  
The shock  
  
"Oh my goddess." Lily screamed at the top of her lungs. Tears fell freely from her eyes. She turned to the door and scream "James, Sirius, Remus, get up here now. Someone get help. PEASE. For Christ sake MOVE." Lily was delirious was shock and sorrow and fear. The boys ran up the stairs Sirius was first for he feared the worst. 


	2. Mourning Blues

A/N Meh, don't know what this is about, I'm writing what I feel. Never a good sign. Read and review please! Blessed be.  
  
Morning blues  
  
Lily woke up in her double bed all cosy and warm with not a care in the world. In the back of her head she had a feeling of concern but she couldn't remember why. Then it hit her like a tonne of bricks. Last night she woke up to the quiet sobs of Hesper, this happened every night. Lily pulled back the drapes of her bed to find she was the only one awake. Silently she crept across to Hesper's bed and poked her nose through the curtains. She found an empty bed but what she didn't see where the tiny speckles of blood that sprinkled the sheets.  
  
Lily decided she would find Hesper later and talk to her. Once showered and dressed in her Gryffindor robes she brushed her hair and left it down. Leaving her hair down brought out the colour in her eyes and framed her pretty face. Lily was outstandingly pretty, all the boys wanted to go out with her but Lily wasn't too fussed bout boys, she secretly fancied one of the other Gryffindor 6th years but no one knew that. Only Hesper knew that, she was very perceptive of people's feelings and emotions. Although Hesper was not friends with any of the 'cool people' of the school she had a few random friends that didn't love her to pieces but they didn't dislike her and that's a bonus point. Hesper stayed in the shadows and kept out of peoples ways, the marauders didn't bother to prank her, not that they thought she wasn't worthless, don't get me wrong, the marauders where nice guys but they just didn't notice her. She is a nobody, If you walked up to someone and asked, "Where's Hesper?" they would answer "Hesper.who?" That was the way life was for Hesper.  
  
Lily descended the 6th year girls' steps into the common room where James Potter, Sirius Black, Remus Lupin and Peter Pettigrew awaited her arrival. She skipped down the stairs three at a time and landed gracefully on the floor.  
  
"Lily flower, your finally awake! I thought we might have to come up and drag you out of bed." Sirius pouted dramatically for affect.  
  
"Sirius dearest, it's 8:30, that's early enough for a Saturday." Lily stuck out her tongue.  
  
"Tiger, ready for breakfast then?" James asked as he tidied up the chess set that he and Remus had previously been playing on.  
  
Hesper sat in the corner of the common room unnoticed like every morning. She sat flicking through a book she was reading. 'Lucy Sullivan's getting married' a muggle book, a book she loved to get lost in the world of a book. To get away from her life, reading was an escape for her. She wouldn't have to be Hesper Caradale; she could be Lucy Sullivan from this novel, or some other character from another book.  
  
Hesper Phoenix Caradale: Tallish girl who was, how can I put this? Round. She was a mixture of big boned and just big. No matter what she did she always stayed fat. She ate sensibly, she exercised you name it she did it. Then when she reached an age of about 13, she had the clever notion of not eating, well It seemed clever at the time but really it did fuck all. If any thing it made her put on weight it was not eating but she didn't realise that, she thought that some how she was still doing something wrong. She worked hard and ate nothing she exercised and didn't eat. Hesper ended up making her self sick. She was tired and close to collapsing. Her mother took her to the doctors and she had to take a blood test to determine that cause. Let's just say it lead to nothing but sickness.  
  
Hesper found out the hard way that crash course diet wasn't the way to go. Hesper grew up around thin people and pretty people who always bested her one way or another. She found it hard to cope life. Many nights where spent crying hard for hour's straight, pulling at her hair trying to cause herself pain, trying to ease the self-hatred. Nothing worked. But that is a part of her life that will be explained later. Hesper had hair that reached her shoulders, dull plain brown, nothing special, just like herself. Her eyes where a different story, well to her they were just eyes another thing to hate about her self but there were few that commented about her eyes. Clear blue eyes, that sparkled when she cried and portrayed her feelings to the rare few that could understand her.  
  
Hesper looked up from her book to watch the people pass her and watch how they interacted with one and other. Even if they were on their own she loved to watch them, each person had a habit and she found it fascinating to observe. She looked over at Lily and the marauders, these where her favourite group of people to watch, the strong friendship they had was astounding, they stick together through thick and thin. No mater what happened they always had each other to turn to in their moments in need.  
  
At this moment in time, Lily was chasing Sirius around the common room as he had taken her wand. They weaved in between the chairs and sofas that littered the common room, he scooted past the fire flames licking the hem of his robes and they wiped past the fireplace. He jumped over a pile of study books and went flying into Hesper; she was knocked off her chair and onto the floor.  
  
"Ah crap" Hesper mumbled from her position on the floor. The page she was reading had torn out of her book and the book in question had flown across the room.  
  
Lily caught up with Sirius and Hesper and gasped. She bent down to help Hesper up.  
  
"Hesper, are you ok? Oh dear, your book is torn. Siri you klutz. Get up off your arse and help the poor girl!" Lily picked up the book that Hesper had been reading, 'Lucy Sullivan's getting married' good choice of books, I read it last year.' Lily said with a smile.  
  
"I'm so sorry, Hesp, I lost my footing when I jumped over the books. Here let me fix the book. Book repairo!" The torn out page went flying back into the book where it was firmly attached. He smiled warmly at her then bowed and said "Good day to you 'mam" Then legged it away still in possession of Lily's wand.  
  
"Hesper, can I talk to you? It's about last night" Lily began but was cut off by the departure of the brunette. "You seemed upset." Lily finished to her self. As Lily began to walk back over to the marauders she was trying to think if Hesper was in any of her classes. But for the love of her she couldn't remember. Guilt started to pull at her insides and she felt bad that she didn't know if she was in her class.  
  
"Come on Lils, what's taking you so long now?" James moaned. "Who's the heffer you were talking to? Ouch" James nursed his arm where Lily had just punched. "Lily, my arms dead now."  
  
"Serve you right, you nasty sod. She is not a heffer, she isn't a pixie but that is no word to use!" Lily glared at James, her red headed temper stirring up. "Do you realise she hangs out with no one? Everyone just doesn't know she exists. She's invisible and there's nothing for her to do. People like you don't help, you so, your so. insensitive!" Lily marched passed James and through the portrait door.  
  
James looked pleadingly at Remus and Sirius but Remus just pointed at the door in which Lily had just gone through.  
  
"Go after her you fool." Sirius rolled his eyes.  
  
James ran to the door and sped after her.  
  
Hesper sat at the top of the stairs with a solitary tear running down her cheek. She had heard every word of what they had said, although Lily had tried to stick up for her she only pointed out that Hesper was a loner. Hesper looked down at her arm, she traced each and every single cut she had on her wrist, resisting the need to flinch from the pain. Her whole wrist was red were it was tender from the previous night of cutting.  
  
I'll draw a pretty picture, I'll draw it on my wrist, I'll draw it with a razor, I'll draw it with a twist,  
  
As the cuts get deeper, A river will appear, And as that river flows, My troubles will disappear  
  
The rhyme ran through her head.  
  
She rose to her feet and advanced up the stairs to the dorm. Hesper closed the bathroom door and took off her robes. This revealed her naked flesh, not being able to look at her self, seeing herself. She grabbed her dressing gown and wrapped her self in it. Hesper conjured up antiseptic wipes. As much as she hated to do so she uncovered her legs and began to apply the wipes to her legs, which were covered in cuts and gashes. She clenched her teeth in pain. The stinging made it real though, one of the reasons why she did it, the pain made things ok at the time, made her feel as though she was doing something right. It was such a kick to watch the blood ooze out of the cut and she cut the skin. Sitting in the dark, seeing the dark colour in the darkness around her. The blood stood out. Watching her self in the mirror made her feel like it was her punishment for being so fat, so ugly, so wrong, such a fuck up. It made the bad things about her acceptable as though it made sense to think, "I'm fat and ugly but cutting myself makes that acceptable."  
  
Hesper then uncovered her stomach and wiped there with a clean wipe. There were cuts on her back that she couldn't reach in that position, it was amazing she actually managed to cut there. Hesper was losing her patients trying to reach the spot.  
  
SMASH  
  
Her hand collided with the mirror.  
  
******2 minutes before *******  
  
"Remus, where do you think she is? Bathroom?" Sirius asked while poking his head round the last of the curtains from the beds. He and Remus had decided to go and find Hesper to invite her for breakfast; they felt a bit bad after what Lily said. Also they didn't want Lily to lose her temper at them like she did at James. James had managed to drag Lily back to the common room and they where waiting for the return of the two marauders.  
  
Remus was about to reply when the herd a smash in the bathroom.  
  
********Back to Hesper***********  
  
"Shit!" Blood was dripping from her hand; shards of glass were embedded in her knuckle. "Well done Hesper Caradale! Absolutely fucking excellent!" At that moment the door burst open. Hesper jumped to cover up her cuts but too late. Sirius had seen her body now. "Get out Get out GET OUT!" Hesper shouted at him. Remus had waited outside but herd her shout. Instead of listening to her Sirius stepped into the bathroom and closed the door behind him.  
  
"Show me you body please." Sirius whispered  
  
"Have you got a hearing problem Black? I said get out. She said while pulling out the glass from her hand.  
  
"Actually you shouted it but I'm not one for pettiness. Take the glass out carefully then I'll heal it. Obviously your gonna make me ask again. Show me your body." Sirius said in the most serious voice it was scary (no pun intended.) He lifted his hand slowly to show Hesper what he was doing. He moved the dressing gown from off her leg. Slowly he moved his hand to her stomach and moved the part covering it. (She has underwear on)  
  
"Oh my god, Hesp, what have you done? I can't heal these for you, it's beyond my level, and it's beyond anyone's level. Why didn't you come to someone? Oh screw that, Come here." He lent forward and pulled her into a hug. It was weird to hug a stranger so intimately. He didn't care, this girl needed to be hugged, she needed to be held, and she needed someone.  
  
At first Hesper was stiff but then she loosened up when she realised she needed this. She broke down; the years of loneliness had gotten to her. This wasn't a miracle cure for her sorrow but for the moment it would do. This didn't meant that her and Sirius would be friends, it was a moment nothing more nothing less.  
  
"I'm taking you to madam Pommfry. (Spelling mistake I know) Then we can talk; I'll perform the obliviate spell if you want afterwards." He added seeing the look on her face. Then we talk Hesper. Get dressed and I'll send Lily up to come down with you. Ok?" After she nodded he healed her knuckle and left to meet Remus.  
  
Remus opened his mouth to talk but then stopped when he saw the look on Sirius' face. He walked silently next to him instead.  
  
After Sirius left Hesper found a quill and parchment and began to write a note.  
  
Dear Professor Dumbledore, I have left my books and all my school items in my trunk, they are in good condition so you can give them to another pupil who needs them I am sorry for the inconvenience of my death but I had no where to turn, nothing to do. This was my only way out. Thank you professor, you saw me when I was invisible, you truly are a great wizard. If you could inform my family of my departure then that would be helpful. They know that I love them and that they were a loving family. Please help them to understand. Please say thank-you to Sirius, at this moment in time he is waiting for me to come to the hospital wing with him, little does he know that I wont be accompanying him, well I may end up there for a short period. To end this letter I bid you farewell and good luck in your life. Don't worry bout any one suffering from my death, there will be no one.  
  
Yours truly, Hesper Phoenix Caradale.  
  
She folded up the paper and held it in her hand as she left the bathroom. Hesper walked over to her bed and removed her pendant from around her neck. She walked to the beam that went across the centre off the room and magicked a rope to hang from it. She placed the note underneath the rope and pulled out her wand.  
  
"Wingardium leviosar" (Again with the wrong spelling, sorry) She levitated her self until she could reach the rope, she tied a noose (don't know how to spell) and slipped it around her neck. She took a deep breath and pulled away her wand. Her body fell but then stopped mid-air as the rope pulled tight. Hesper gasped and the rope enclosed around her neck, crushing her windpipe, cutting off her blood and oxygen supply. With a sickening crunch her neck snapped.  
  
The body of Hesper Phoenix Caradale swung slightly from the beam, her blue eyes open wide but empty.  
  
"Hesper, are you nearly ready?" Lily's sweet voice came floating up the stairs. Her hand grasped the door handle and slowly she opened it with a playful smile on her face. It soon fell away.  
  
"Oh my goddess." Lily screamed at the top of her lungs. Tears fell freely from her eyes. She turned to the door and scream "James, Sirius, Remus, get up here now. Someone get help. PEASE. For Christ sake MOVE." Lily was delirious was shock and sorrow and fear. The boys ran up the stairs Sirius was first for he feared the worst. 


	3. The aftermath

A/N Ok I got a death threat so I'm carrying this on... Please don't kill me! I was gonna any way...I'm not weak. Ehem. Please read and review.  
  
The awakening  
  
Lily sat numbly in the rouge-cushioned seat. She sat slowly rocking backwards and forwards shaking, her eyes not blinking. Lily leant over her knees and threw up again into the bowl that was set in front of her. Lily was confused; she felt such sorrow, yet she felt guilty as though she didn't have the right to fell sad. She had never shown an act of kindness towards Hesper, it had always been 'I'll talk to her later' or 'It can wait' she should have been nice, she should have made friends with her. She should have been the person she truly was; nice, friendly and a wonderful friend. But now it was too late, She had put off today what she could do tomorrow, but it turns out there is no tomorrow. Not for Hesper.  
  
Sirius sat staring dumbly out of the window, it hurt to breathe, it hurt to sit there, and it hurt to know that in the hospital wing laid the cold body of Hesper Caradale. One thought ran through his mind: 'I could have stopped it. I should have stayed with her; I'm so stupid and selfish not to think of this possibility. I thought that the wonderful Marauder could save her. That simply hugging her and telling her things would be ok would save her, well it didn't. She was gone and he could have stopped it.' The well of emotion inside of Sirius was greater than he had ever felt, he could not find the heart and soul of Sirius Orion Black that he had a mere hour ago. He could not imagine a life where you where driven to suicide because you could not carry on, to have no one, to hurt your self. Sirius was beside him self with grief. The power of loss grew inside of him, churning up his insides, tugging on his heart. It peaked to a point where he couldn't control him self.  
  
"FUCK, Why the FUCK. FUUUUUUUUCK" Sirius shouted, his voice box hurt from the power of the scream. He did the first thing that made sense; he punched the window in Dumbledore's office. It shattered. The glass pitter-pattered onto the floor, like heavy rain during a storm. The tears began to fall and he roughly wiped them away. Before he knew it James and Remus where by his side and enveloped him in a tight embrace. James held his best friend, trying to calm him down. Remus stepped back and noticed Lily still sitting in her seat, leaning over to throw up again. He rushed to her side and held her hair back out of her face.  
  
Lily felt her hair being pulled out of her face. She turned slightly and saw a sombre Remus. Once she had finished being sick again she sat up, Remus conjured a bowl of cold water and a flannel. He slowly started to wipe lily's forehead, wiping the sweat mingled with tears away from her face. (I feel I have to clear this up, she's sweaty coz she has been sick.)  
  
Dumbledore walked into his office and found the scene pretty much the same as he had left it with the exception of Sirius had finally let him self cry and James was comforting him. Everyone looked over to the figure that had entered the office. He was carrying a piece of parchment with writing on.  
  
"She left a note. I think she wrote it just before she, hung herself." Dumbledore was going to try and be delicate but he knew that would only make things harder, they had to come to terms with the fact she did it herself. He was a great man, and he knew how to handle every situation, but this time, he wasn't sure. He didn't feel so great. If he was such a great man then he would have noticed Hesper's misery, but he didn't.  
  
"What" Lily paused and cleared her throat. "What will happen to her now, sir?" Lily stared tearfully at the man in front of her. "Will she be moved?" Lily stopped, she didn't have a clue where she was going with this but she felt she wanted to know.  
  
"She will be moved to St. Mungo's hospital then moved to a morgue until her funeral. Her parents are on their way here to talk with me and to collect their little girls body." He felt a prickle in the corner of his eyes but bit back the tears, he could not cry in front of his students.  
  
"Please sir, can I see her? Before she goes." She asked barely above a whisper. Tears began to fall from her blood shot eyes.  
  
"If that is what you truly want, then I am not going to stop you. Now would you all like to take a seat?" He drew three more seats with his wand and they appeared out of nowhere. Remus, Sirius and James took a seat in the three seats, James next to Lily on the right with Sirius on his right and Remus and the left of Lily.  
  
"Hesper has, had, been very unhappy for a long time now. She found life one huge task, having to push her self through every day, only to get to the next day. There is no point saying 'Should of, would of, could of' because those wont bring her back. We all choose the path our life takes and she chose to end hers. In the end it was her decision, its what she wanted, and the only good that can come of this is that now she is in a happier place. Everyone lives for a reason and her reason is still to come. Even though she no longer lives on this plain of existence her reason for being still does, and slowly you will realise what it was. Today is a very grave day and I think I can say for us all that it is the day where we look at life in a different light." Dumbledore came to the end of his speech.  
  
Sirius looked up at Professor Dumbledore for the first time during the whole speech and looked deep into the professor's eyes. He saw the despair in his eyes, the sadness of losing Hesper. Sirius remembered seeing her cuts and injuries. He started to weep silently. Sirius had to look away from Dumbledore. Lily saw Sirius crying and slowly got up from her seat took him by the hands and led him to outside the door of the office. No one made a move to stop them or ask where they were going. They knew Sirius needed to let go and would only do that in front of Lily.  
  
Once she had closed the door she pulled Sirius into a fierce hug and they held each over tightly. Sirius cried into her shoulder and Lily cried into his chest. After what felt like forever they let go of each other and he lent against the wall. Sirius slid down onto the floor and put his head in his hands. Lily followed suit.  
  
"I could have saved her you know" Sirius muttered, barely audible. "Just before I came down to you guys, I saw her in her bathroom. She was covered in cuts. I had to heal her hand 'coz she hit the mirror. We were gonna go to the hospital wing to get her healed then we were gonna go to Dumbledore and get her to talk to people. She was gonna become my friend and yours and the other guys. I left her to get changed and we were gonna sort things. But she didn't give it a chance, I think it was too late for her." Tears cascaded down his cheeks.  
  
"Siri, hunny, it was not your fault. It was everyone; to be fair no one gave her a chance. You tried to help her but I think at that point she didn't want help, she just wanted out. Life isn't always easy; some people have a better life than others. You know how tough things can get, look at your family, you spend hardly any time at home in a house you hate. You must feel so shit at times and yet you still get through every day, but that's because you have your friends who love you dearly. Be coming her friend now was too late, you saw her weakness, you saw through the façade but it didn't change the outcome. You can't dwell on what would have happened, Dumbledore's right, we can't focus on "should of could of would of" Coz that'll only make it harder. I knew her for years and still didn't go the distance and become her friend, she always seemed ok, and appearances can be deceiving. You can make people believe anything about your self and she chose to let people believe she was happy, normal." Lily stopped, as she didn't know what to say anymore, the words came out of her mouth but she could not find the will to believe them.  
  
Words had never felt so meaningless to Lily before, they washed over her in a blur of nothingness. She rested her head on Sirius' shoulder. Thoughts whirling through her mind. Who are we to be so upset over her death? It felt as though they had no right to feel so unhappy and distraught when they gave her nothing in life, no friendship, kind words when needed. Only passing greetings in the busy corridors between lessons. What right did they have?  
  
Sirius clambered onto his knees losing his smoothness, just getting to his feet in the ungraceful manor. Taking Lily by the hand he pulled her to her feet and they made their way back to the confines of the headmasters office.  
  
Once upon entering the hushed office Lily took her seat next to a sorrowful James and the wreckage that was Sirius waiting for Dumbledore to give his comforting words. They sat in heartbreaking silence and Dumbledore saw the desperate look in his students' eyes waiting for him to make this ok. But in truth he didn't know how, how do you make this ok?  
  
How? 


End file.
